How to have difficult conversations with your styling team or salon owner
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How to have difficult conversations with your styling team or salon owner
It’s about to get real because today we’re talking about how to have difficult conversations with your styling team or salon owner.

If you can’t bring yourself to have difficult conversations, like pitching a new marketing idea or talking about work performance, you’ll end up with plenty of gossip, which creates all sorts of problems. The best way to resolve 90 percent of those challenges? Constructive communication.

Good news: Constructive conversations don’t have to be awkward or difficult. The more you practice good communication habits, the easier these conversations with our leaders and team become. I’ll give you the skills to navigate these situations constructively, whether you’re a stylist or a salon owner.

Stylists Talking to Owners
When we choose to be a stylist in a salon, we choose the owner as the leader. The reality is salon owners are trying to keep everyone in the building happy at any given time. That’s a lot of pressure, and it takes time to make changes happen. Remember your salon owner is only human and respect where they’re coming from when you start the conversation.

Don’t come in hot
Don’t get wrapped up in your emotions when you approach your salon owner; it won’t come across as productive, and you won’t have a good conversation. Instead, if something is frustrating you, take a step back and make a plan. After you take time to compose yourself, approach the salon owner. They will be much more open to what you have to say and willing to come to a constructive conclusion.

Communicate in your best method
If a verbal conversation makes you lose your words, but you need to discuss something with your salon owner, ask if they would mind if you sent them an email later that day because you best express yourself in written form. They’ll say yes!

Come with a solution, not just a problem
Instead of complaining in the back room about how bad the salon’s Instagram is, approach your owner with some new marketing ideas to step up the salon’s social media game. When you can come to the table with a solution instead of just a problem, your salon owner will be so much more open to helping you and, chances are, they’ll be thrilled to partner with you.

Come in willing to help find the resolution
It’s okay for you to say you don’t have the answers to the problem yet, but you’re willing to find a solution and get back to them. Can you see how an owner would jump on board with that in a second?

If your salon owner agrees with your idea, but asks for some time, try and be patient. Know they genuinely support you and that they are trying to keep you and everyone else in the building happy.

At the end of the conversation, say “So what happens next?”
Always ask at the end of the conversation with your owner, “What happens next?” Have them come up with a plan. If they don’t know, don’t just leave it in their lap. I give you full permission to propose a plan and meeting to discuss next week.

Owners talking to stylists
When you walk through the door of the salon, be ready to support, learn, and grow. Leave your problems in the car so you can be 100 percent present for your team. And keep your door open to honest feedback 365 days a year, so your styling team knows that you’re there to help them grow.

Don’t come in hot
You are there as a resource to your team, so don’t wear your emotions on your sleeve. No matter how mad you are at a stylist, take a beat and say “I’m really frustrated with you right now, and it’s not a good time to talk. Let’s set time to talk tomorrow.”

Don’t be afraid that your stylist will leave you
You have to be confident in knowing that if you are going to run a successful business, difficult conversations will have to be had. If you aren’t enforcing rules because you’re scared your stylist will leave you, that is not constructive. Enforce your ground rules: if a stylist isn’t cleaning up their mess after you’ve already asked, pull them aside and set up time to discuss the issue.

Have a set of behavioral guidelines
We can’t hold stylists to a standard if there is no standard. Look at your behavioral guidelines. Are they still in line with your goals? Are you actually enforcing them? Even if you have booth renters, you can have rules for how you want people to behave in your building. Because if you don’t enforce them with one stylist, you can’t expect the one at the station next to her to follow the rules either.

Always start by asking “So how is everything going with you?”
We are humans. They are humans. If you need to pull a stylist aside, remember this is a conversation; it doesn’t have to be super heavy and scary. Take a breath to check in with that person as you step into the next phase of the conversation.

Say “I want to bring something to your attention.”
Think about how you phrase things. Don’t start with “I have a bone to pick with you” or “I’m frustrated because…” Saying “I want to bring something to your attention” gets their attention and opens the door to the conversation without confrontation.

It’s not about the blame game; effective communication is just about expressing how you feel and allowing the other person to do the same.

Don’t be afraid of written documentation

Written documentation doesn’t have to be scary; it’s a great thing because it shows you’re serious and can protect you if things do go sideways. Using written verbal warnings that don’t count towards termination are a great way to document an issue, so the next time you need to pull a stylist aside, you know what you have already discussed.

Always end by saying “What happens next?”
Sometimes you should be the one that comes up with the next step, and sometimes your stylists should be. Either way, every conversation should end with an action plan.

I hope this has given you some insight on how to be more constructive in your conversations. Ultimately, we all want the same result, and these keywords and social cues should help you navigate some difficult conversations.


Links Mentioned:
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Today’s topic is going to be a little be different. I get a lot of questions coming through my Thrivers Society groups and through email asking me how to create more of a work life balance. There are a lot of stylists out there who are dying to get away from working weekends, they don’t want to work nights anymore, and a lot of the reasons for that is because they feel like they aren’t able to show up as effective parents. They are missing things like kids’ soccer games, they aren’t home in the evenings to help with homework, and they’re missing some of the things that we think traditionally a mom or a dad should be there for. There is a lot of guilt around that. I can speak to it because I experience it. I am a full-time working Mom, and my husband is a full-time working Dad, we have two beautiful children; a toddler and a teenager, and we’re trying to make it work too. I decided to get a little help from one of my friends who I am going to introduce to you all today. Her name is Sarah Boyd, and she is nothing short of incredible. She’s an amazing business woman, a wonderful partner to her incredible husband Colin, and above all else she’s an amazing mother and she has really found a way to have a beautiful and vibrant career while still being an amazing mom. That being said she travels for work, she has a full plate, she wouldn’t call herself a full-time mom who works on the side, because her career is really important to her. Today she is going to share with us the foundation for creating incredible relationships with your children while being a working parent, so that we can let go of the mom guilt and let go of the need to be perfect parents. Perfection doesn’t mean you’re there for every little moment, it’s about making the little moments count. All that being said I am excited to introduce you all to Sarah, so let’s get this interview going!

Britt: Sarah, I am excited to have you here today, thank you for joining me and the hairstylists of the world. Can you tell us a little bit about yourself? Some of my audience may or may not have met you before. If you could give us a little rundown of who you are, both professionally and personally, along with a little bit about your story.

Sarah: I am really excited to be here with all of you today! I am from Australia, and my family and I recently moved to California. My background is in psychology and neuroscience and for about the last 10 years or so my husband and I have been running a business teaching positive psychology principles to the corporate and entrepreneurial market. In my personal life I have had some challenges and personal struggles. I’ve been through cancer and some other chronic health issues, which have also led to me wanting to work more now. I am a mother of two kids, a 5-year-old son named Jonah, and a 3-year-old daughter named Georgia. I am now taking that positive psychology background that I have and my motherhood passion with my kids and working to equip children with the similar principles that I have worked with in the past.  

Britt: I love that, and I love your story. Like I mentioned when I was introducing you to my audience, I turned to you for a lot of parenting advice and business guidance. The reason I was so excited to have you on today is because I truly struggle with feeling like I am a fully present mom, due to the fact that I am so caught up in my business and trying to find the balance between the two. I know it’s something that my community really struggles with too, I hear stories of struggle all the time. So, as a fellow business owner juggling motherhood, you are going to share with us the three characteristics of what you refer to as intentional parenting. I know that I need this, so I am really excited to hear your breakdown. Where do you start when you start talking about this idea of intentional parenting?

Sarah: The first thing that I think about with intentional parenting is relationship. It’s really about your relationship with your child. I think as moms we are particularly hard on ourselves. I think a lot of people can relate to the feeling of hearing others talk about a new thing we need to do whether or not it’s a psychological strategy or something like healthy eating, etc., As a working mom we have a lot of complexity in our life, and it’s often something we would like to do, but it’s too much. I’m really passionate about helping to instill values in your children, and intentionally parent even when things are super busy. It’s not about doing more things, it’s actually about working with the things you’ve got and making small tweaks to help you be intentional in that. In a relationship research shows us that a child’s values and their character is actually developed primarily in the connection with the parents. Who our children are going to grow up to be in the world is actually about their connection with you as their parent. It’s really about being a good enough parent, not a perfect parent. Your relationship with your child isn’t about the moments, it’s not about the high moments where you take your children to Disneyland, and not about the low moments where you are exhausted and lose your temper. It’s about the overall connection that you have with your child over the course of their life. I think we need to take that pressure off ourselves as parents and be okay with that we’re imperfect, but we’re doing a good enough job to create the kind of connection with our children.

 Britt: I love that you said that, and gave us permission to be good enough and to just come as our best, to know that we have a full plate, and as long as we are showing up with relationship as a priority and doing our absolute best, that’s good enough. Also, to allow us to not have that mom guilt, and to just know we’re doing out very best. It’s so interesting that the people our children will grow up to become is in many ways built around the relationship they have with their parents.

Sarah: I love Berne Brown the researcher on shame and vulnerability, she talks a lot about how in parenting we don’t need to focus on quote on quote strategies, or being a better parent but instead thinking about if we are being the type of person that we want our children to be. Whether or not we like it, and even though it can be both exciting and scary, our children are growing up with us as their primary form of example in the world. They either tend to become us, or be a complete rebellion of us. I think it is more important to think beyond did I get the discipline right, or have I got a routine right, or did I decide on all the right parenting strategies. The most important thing is who are being in the world, and would you be okay if your kid turned out like you.

Britt: Sarah I love that you said that. Somebody mentioned to me a few years back, that we need to focus less on just being a good mom or being a good dad and really think about raising an adult. That we need to realize that our children are going to one day become adults, and we need to give them the skills they will need to become adults and live a fully functioning lives themselves.

Sarah: Absolutely, because essentially that’s our main job, is that we’re essentially preparing them for adulthood. That’s essentially the job of raising children. It’s not about making them happy, or making things awesome, it’s about preparing them for success in adulthood.

Britt: I love that. Do you have any signs or indicators that could tell us that we do have a good relationship with our children, that is not based around how much time we are with them? Or things that we can do to help build those relationships and make them as strong as possible?

Sarah: Yes. Your child’s behavior with you is always a huge indicator. There’re two sides, and I think you as a parent know intuitively when the relationship is starting to breakdown. You often see it in your child’s behavior, if they are school aged, they may start not doing as well, or getting into trouble, or finding themselves in those types of places, sometimes this is a reflection of the connection or the lack of. In the same way I often find mothers saying their child acts so well-behaved outside and then they get home and they are just horrible, if your child is talking to you, and sharing their emotions, even if it’s dramatically, that’s a really a positive sign, because you are their safe space, you are their connection place. Two things I would really have a look at is how you child’s behaving, and you can test it. So, say you’re concerned that your child’s behavior is maybe going in a negative direction and you think to yourself, well is that because your lack of connection so maybe over the next few weeks you schedule a little bit extra quality time with them and you see if it changes. If it does change then maybe that was the situation, if it doesn’t then something else may be going on.

Britt: I love that. Can you tell us the next intention that we should set as parents?

 Sarah: Yes, the second intention is about rituals. This should be about routine and patterns in our week. I know as a working mom there are certain things I can get to and certain things that I can’t get to. I know in your community there is often Saturday’s spent working, or certain events in your child’s life that you may miss or things you wanted to get to that you couldn’t. With including rituals, you give yourself another point in your routine that you could input quality time with your child. It doesn’t have to be long in fact, research has shown that sometimes even 10 minutes of really focused quality time is all that your children need. You know if you we put the phone and away or whatever it may be that’s distracting us and give them our undivided attention even for a short period of time, they’re really looking for that. Say for example you can’t see your child on Saturday do you have something else in your week, another period of time that you could spend an extra 20 minutes with them. Maybe it’s before you drop them at school, it’s something you can create a special routine or rhythm, or ritual around, maybe its ice cream after school on a Wednesday, or playground after school on Thursday. What this does is it gives your child the certainty that even if you are unable to make it to everything, that you really intentionally care and value them. At the same time this helps your own mindset around guilt, because, it gives you the buffer of knowing well I can’t be at this, but I know I am investing time here.  

Britt: I love that. Let me ask a clarifying question on rituals. Let’s say that I create a ritual with my kids that every Saturday night it’s my last day of work for the week and we go and get ice cream after dinner, but this Saturday it couldn’t happen because I worked late. How do I get through the guilt of that? Do the rituals need to be locked in place, calendared in, and is that an important part of it?

Sarah: I would definitely have some kind of routine to it, but again it’s about when they don’t happen, it’s about being okay to pivot. Some children are more flexible with this than others. Some of us may have a child who likes things specific and predicable. If you miss part of your routine, it’s about understanding that if you are missing things, you’re missing input with your child, and that’s not a problem on the short term. In fact, it’s quite normal in a working parent’s life. If you let that go on for weeks, months, and years, then there’s constantly no input and what you’re going to find is a lack of connection. Part of it is having it become part of your mind. My husband and I travel sometimes away from our children, so part of my organization when I’m doing that is making sure the kids are prepared and ready, but I also know when I come home that I’ve been away from them and I need to reinvest time with them. So, it becomes about making sure there’s always money in the bank with them so to speak, not about the actual activity or the timing of it.

 Britt: Can you tell us about the third aspect of intentional parenting?

Sarah: So, this would be reading and sharing stories with your child. It’s something that most of us do on a somewhat regular basis. When we read our child a book or tell them a bedtime story it’s a point of connection with out child, a point of quality time. It’s also teaching them empathy. They’re practicing the ability to put themselves in somebody else’s shoes. I actually use the point of reading to choose the right books, so you can use reading as a time to teach values to your child. I first saw the power of storytelling with my son when he was about 2 and I was going to give birth to my daughter. I was really worried about jealousy and him coping with the transition, so I bought a few books on being a big brother. After I gave birth and my son came to the hospital to meet his sister, I remember there being no jealousy, he was excited, and he actually started repeating specific sentences out the books that we’d been reading. When you find the right books to teach the values you want to your child and the conversations you want to open up to your child it can be a really powerful thing.

Britt: I have to tell you since meeting and learning the Sara Boyd way, I have been trying to be very intentional, particularly about reading. I have an older daughter who is 14 and she and I are going through the Harry Potter books together a little each night, and now I can see that I did it build the relationship and have that ritual. I can’t even tell you the impact that it’s had between the two of us to have that little moment each night, so it’s amazing to hear you say that because it comes full circle. With my little guy, he had a speech delay so him sitting down to read wasn’t something that he enjoyed. It wasn’t enjoyable for him until I started listening to what you said about finding the right books and the messaging that’s in there, and thinking about it on a bigger more impactful way. Its deeper than just reading a book, and that has been so impactful to me.

Do you have any guidance on how we can choose the right books and how we can start to foster that environment?

Sarah: So, in terms of choosing the right books, that can be as easy as a Google search. There are specific values and things that interests your child that either you or they want to read about, transitions in your life, or things you want to teach them. It’s really about finding the books you think will interest them and also teach them things you want to teach them. Sometimes you read a book and you don’t even get through the book or they’re asking questions and then pointing over the top of you, but it’s that kind of connection you want, and a lot of times things are staying with them more then you realize. Sometimes I found with my son in particular that weeks after we shared something in a book, he’ll repeat the same phrase back to me. So, from that point I’ve used books to teach him that about courage, comparing himself to other people, dealing with big emotions, and things that I’m really wanting to help him with to set him up for success in the world.

Britt: Sarah does have a resource list that we can tap into just as a place to start when we’re looking for books for our kids and or our family. She also has some free goodies just for my audience, so what resources do you have to share today?

Sarah: Yes. I have a free metaphor story that teaches courage, it’s kind of a mad libs style let them play bedtime story, that you can read to your child and insert their name. It basically takes you on this metaphor that is teaching them the value of courage by inserting their name and a scenario that they are scared of that you want to help them through. I am really excited to share this with your community.

Britt: I am so thankful and grateful that you’re sharing that with us. I know you have something very special in the works that I am personally beyond excited about. Tell us what your passion project is that you’re working on right now.

Sarah: Yes. As this whole endeavor has unfolded in my heart and my background in psychology, and seeing the power of books with my child, I have started a project of creating books that intentionally teach children values. We are actually live on Kickstarter now for our first book. It’s called The Boy Who Stood Up Tall and it’s a book about a little boy with a sensitive soul who learns to stand up to his fears, and it’s essentially teaching your child principles on how they can stand up to their fears. There’s a note in the back of the book for parents and it teaches the psychological background of the principles you are teaching your child and how to teach it in an age appropriate way. I know it’s really helped a lot of people already and just opening up conversation with the child. I liked the topic of courage because we know as a business person the value of courage, and if you hadn’t had the courage to put yourself out in the world you wouldn’t be doing what you’re doing. That was a value I really wanted to teach my child, and I was surprised at the lack of resources out there for books on this particular topic, so we’re really excited to share that with people.

Britt: I am so glad you’re bringing this into the world, because I agree with you 100%, courage is something we all need. It’s one of those values that there aren’t a lot of resources about and it’s not even something that’s talked about and we need it more and more especially living as kids in this age. I think what you are creating is so beautiful and I can’t wait to get my hands on a copy. Where can my audience learn more?

Sarah: If you head to my website which we will link below, you can find all my information there.

Britt: Thank you Sarah so much for being with us today, I know my audience is going to love you just as much as I do. I am so excited to continue to instill these values in my babies and I hope that my audience feels the confidence to do the same.

Sarah: Thank you so much for having me Britt.

 I hope that this interview with Sarah has been beneficial to all of you as my audience. If you want to learn more about Sarah, if you want to download her free tools, if you want to learn more about her incredible book, please take a look at all of her links below.


Links Mentioned:

Follow me on Facebook

Follow me on Instagram

Follow me on YouTube

To sign up for my free Facebook training class click here now.

To sign up for my free website training class click here now.

To listen to past episodes of The Thriving Stylist Podcast click here now.

Find Sarah

Sarah Boyd Instagram

Resilient Little Hearts Instagram

Book List

Metaphor Story

Kickstarter To Order A Copy Of “The Boy Who Stood Up Tall”

Sarah Boyd Website

Resilient Little Hearts Website

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Today’s topic was completely inspired by you all. I asked all of you who are a part of my audience what your biggest challenge is today as a stylist. Overwhelming charging your worth was a huge response. It seems like a lot of you who have taken my Bootcamp really struggled with charging your worth and knowing that you should be charging more. You know that your guests should be paying full price, you know that your time is more valuable than what you are getting for it, yet something inside is making it difficult for you to charge your worth. After the overwhelming response I realized this is something we absolutely need to talk about and together we will overcome the challenge. Now our industry to me is funny because we are so plagued by the innate need to offer discounts, I don’t understand why, I don’t know of any other industry where we almost feel like we are obligated to discount all the people who sit in our chair. There’s a lot of reasons why we do it. There’s emotional discounting, like you feel bad for the person, or you feel the guilt of well this client has been seeing me for 10 years so why should they pay full price. Excuse me. Even if you’ve been seeing the same dentist for 10 years don’t you think they charge you whatever the current going rate is, they aren’t charging you prices from the 80s. No matter how long you’ve been seeing them. We are the only industry that does that kind of crazy stuff, and we have to shut it down. Sometimes we discount out of fear, a lot of times people are scared of their own clients, which is not the type of clientele you want to be working with. Discounting out of fear is a very real thing. Stylists might also discount for lack of confidence or lack of education, we can overcome all these things, but if you don’t have that right mindset about charging your worth, none of it matters. I can give you a great skill set and some quick pro tips, but if your mind isn’t in the right place about it, it is all for nothing.

In this blog I am going to do two things. I’m going to explain why we as hairstylists choose to discount so often. There are 3 reasons why we do it and we’re going to cover all three of them. My ask of you, if to listen to the three reasons why we do it and self-diagnose yourself. You might be all three or maybe a couple of them or maybe just one. I want you to really get to the root of why you continue to discount versus charging your worth. Then we are going to run through an exercise that is going to help you overcome whatever it is your block is so that you can start confidently charging your price, feeling good at the end of the work day, and be able to say that you worked your butt off, but that it was worth it because you made exactly what you are worth.

Whenever I talk about money or discounting I always like to start by giving you the real talk and hard fast numbers, because I think this is where it all really comes to a head and where people have that “oh s***” moment of man I need to figure this out because its crushing my personal life, and not charging my worth is really affecting my take home pay. If you’re a stylist who works four days a week and you see three guests a day, that’s 12 guests a week total. If you discount just $5 a day you often think well that’s no big deal, you’d actually be losing $3,102 a year with that little $5 discount. Five dollars sounds like a whole lot more than five bucks now huh. Here’s another example. If you work four days a week and see three guests a day and you are discounting each $20, you are losing $12,480 a year. I don’t know about you, but I can’t afford to take a $12,000 pay cut this year. That won’t work for me or my family. I know that sounds extreme, but some of you who are reading this are discounting your clients by as much as $30-$50 a visit, because you are not charging your worth. We are talking about tens of thousands of dollars a year that you could be taking home to support yourself and your family that you are not putting in your own pocket because you’re not charging your worth. That is a big huge problem. I know some of the discounts you are giving are emotional discounts, or even situational discounts, but for some of you you’re not charging your worth because your baseline pricing hasn’t been raised in years, or you don’t know how to price yourself so you are undercharging and don’t even know why. In Thrivers Society one thing we talk about fairly early in the program is pricing yourself properly. One thing that drives me a little bit crazy is when I go into the hairstylist forums on Facebook and people are asking what people charge for certain services. That information is irrelevant. If I am here in California and I find out what someone in Kentucky is charging for their services that is irrelevant information. It’s irrelevant if that person has two years less experience then me, ten years more experience than me, sees more clients, sees less clients. There’re so many factors we have to think about. You can’t compare pricing like apples and oranges, that won’t work. It’s important that you use a foolproof system when you are determining prices. For some people you’re not necessarily emotionally discounting or situationally discounting, but it’s your price point that is totally inappropriate for what is should be are you’re literally losing tens of thousands of dollars a year.

I know for a lot of us the name of the game always feels like how do I work more and how do I get more clients. That’s actually not the game that most successful stylists are playing. Most successful stylists are playing the game of how do I make my chair more profitable on an hour by hour basis? It is when we can start confidently charging our worth that it really does take off.

Now what I want to do is go back and take a look at the three reasons why we don’t charge our worth. Everybody who is reading this will resonate with at least one of these backstories and for some of you you’ll resonate with all three of them. When we take a look at our life and we take a look at the lack of confidence or that piece that’s holding us back from charging our worth one of these three reasons why will be the reason why we don’t do it. The sooner you can get in touch with why you don’t charge your worth they sooner you can overcome it. Let’s cover all three reasons and remember what I said about your goal to decide which of the three reasons is the one that’s holding you back.

Reason Number One: Your money story.

Reason number one is because of your money story. We all have a money story. It was created based on the world that we were living in when we were kids. From the time that you were very young you became aware of the fact that if you wanted something money had to be exchanged to make it happen. So, from the very first time you went to the store and bought a candy bar and handed over the money someone handed you your candy you got the idea of money makes the world go round.

For some of us we got the idea of budgets and those sorts of things when we asked mom for a new pair of shoes and her response was that those shoes were too expensive and we can’t do that.

All of those little instances start to build a money story for us. It happens and there is nothing we can do about it, it’s just happening in the world around us. All those childhood experiences build up to create the money story we tell ourselves as adults and all of us have a completely different money story.

One of the money stories might be that you just didn’t grow up having money and that your family wasn’t well-off so you assume everybody else is on a tight budget. That is definitely how I grew up as a kid. We didn’t have a lot of extra money, and when I did ask for certain things the response, I would get back was that money was tight and we can’t afford it. That plays a big part of my money story because I assumed, we live in a world where money is tight. Another one might be that you grew up totally rich and had everything you wanted, but you were very well aware of the fact that you were a have and there was also have nots. So maybe you had some friends or you could see other people in the world who weren’t living the same life as you and you became very well aware that not everybody has money and you started judging people that way. So, then what happens as an adult is you carry that into the salon with you, and somebody comes in and you make some sort of assumption about them like oh they probably don’t have a lot of money and this is a big splurge for them. That is such a judgement, because you have no idea what that person’s financial position is. We make those judgements of people not understanding what’s really going on with them. So, all those childhood experiences really start to build up a money story that we project onto other people that is not true.

A personal story of mine that I’ve shared before is when I went out on a day to treat myself, which for me is typically a spa day. I went out to treat myself for a facial and I had set a budget. I had even told my husband I was going to spend some money on some facial products and that I was really excited about it. I went it to get the facial and I was so excited to spend the money. At the end of the visit the esthetician was literally like I have some products that I could recommend, but they are on the higher price point, so instead I can recommend some generic ones you can buy at the store. I was so offended by this, and she actually ruined my time because I wanted to spend the money that day, and she instead made it awkward and weird for me and I didn’t do it. She blew it, and she actually ended up offending me because of her money story. We have to stop projecting our beliefs onto other people. You can’t do that.

Reason Number Two: You aren’t confident in your skills.

Number two is going to be that you aren’t confident in your skills. One of my favorite quotes I’ve heard my whole life is that “Confidence comes when you know you’ve already put in the work,” meaning if I’ve taken a bunch of classes on something, if I’ve done a lot of education, if I’m very well practiced in something, I’m confident and I don’t second guess myself. I know that I know what I am talking about, so it doesn’t make me nervous to talk about it because I’ve already put in the work. We become unconfident in our skills when we’re not sure that we know what we’re doing. When people say, I want to have good consultations, but I’m not confident it’s just because you don’t know how to have good consultations yet. So, the idea then is just to become proficient in consultations because then it’s like autopilot and you don’t even have to think that hard. Or when somebody comes in for a color correction and you get that nervous feelings in your gut thinking oh, I hope this goes well, and you don’t even know how much to charge because you are nervous. It is things like this that prevent you from charging your worth. If you knew how to do it and someone came in and you thought it was an easy fix then you’re confident.

Confidence comes through experience, so if you’re lacking that confidence all you need is more experience. You need to seek out more education. You need to find the resources you need so that in the back of your mind you know you got this. Then you won’t start second guessing how much you can charge for things.

Reason Number Three: You’re scared that your clients don’t see your worth.

Number three is you’re scared that your clients don’t see your worth. This one is actually a weird one for a lot of people. A lot of people may think no that not really the reason for me, but it actually is for most people. A lot of times we don’t charge our worth because we’re scared that our clients will leave us. Saying it that way I bet resonates with more of you. We have this fear of thinking raising prices means losing clients. The reality is if you raise prices, yeah you might lose clients, but those who love you and those who see your value are going to stick around and they’re going to pay.  When we look at that reality, we have to kind of backtrack and tell ourselves if you are bringing the value to the table, even if you do raise your prices by 10 bucks, that your clients should value you enough to stick around. If you set yourself up for success and you know your own worth, and you know you’re proving your worth to your clients they will stay. As long as you’re showing up 100% with that confidence every single time they’re not going to leave. You don’t have to be worried about it if you charge them full price it’s not going to be worth it. If a $5 price increase is a make it or break it for your clientele, we’ve got bigger problems on our hands.

We have to let go of one of those three things, two of those three things, all of those three things if we are ever going to be able to charge our worth. Take a moment right now and reflect back on the three things I talked about which was your money story, the fact you’re not confident in your skills, or you’re scared your clients don’t see your true worth. Think for a moment on which of those three things might be the block that’s holding you back, and then let’s move on to the work that’s going to help you to overcome no matter which one it is.

I’m going to give you 5 mindset exercises that are going to help you to overcome this. Like I said earlier, the only way to start charging your worth is to have a positive mindset about your value. I’m going to give you some things that I want you to think about, they’re going to help you to get your mind right about charging your worth.

Number One: Stop labeling yourself as the person who does it cheaper.

I want you to stop labeling yourself as the person who does it cheaper. When you aren’t charging your worth or when you’re discounting or you are like oh, she can’t pay this, so I’m going to make it less you are labeling yourself as the person who does it cheaper. In my Thrivers Society program I was coaching a stylist who was working through a price increase. She had told me she was a little horrified because one of her clients told her that she tells all her friends about her because she’s a really great stylist at a really affordable value. The stylists heart sank, because she knew she had a pricing issue, but she didn’t realize it had become part of her identity as a stylist until her client told her that. This affirmed to the stylist that she was in the right place, making the right decision to increase her prices. When you are underpriced your clients will judge you for this, and for most of us we don’t want to label yourself as the discount stylist. When you are not charging your worth, you are. I live in California, and there is a certain number I want to pay for a haircut, and if you’re charging less then what I want to pay I assume you’re not as talented as I’d want you to be. You underpriced yourself to me and I would say no thank you. When you undervalue yourself, you’re actually limiting your reach in a way. The more you can raise your prices you’re going to start working with this higher-level clientele who sometimes are more loyal. They’re going to send you higher quality referrals, and you are going to find that there are a lot of benefits to working with a clientele who is willing to pay more. So, I want you to commit that you’re not going to label yourself as the stylist who does it cheaper.

Number Two: Be sure all your efforts are working to attract the right clients who want to get what they pay for.

I want you to be sure that all of your efforts are working to attract the right clients who want to get what they pay for. Something we talk about in Thrivers Society is finding your target market, and creating a brand that will attract that target market. I think a big misconception for stylists is that they don’t care who their clients are or what cut and color they want, they just want butts in their chair. That is not true. There are certain clients that would sit in my chair and I’d walk out and be like no, is this really what I have to do right now. You know what I am talking about, when a client walks in and wants a certain cut or color, and inside you are thinking oh gosh do I really have to spend the next 90 minutes doing this. I don’t want any of those people in my chair, and the more you can start attracting the right clientele, the more you can start charging your worth. That way you are attracting all the right people who want to get what they pay for and they are down to spend your full value if you can give them what they want. They won’t question your price for a moment, but that doesn’t happen until you start attracting the right kind of clientele. Does it mean you might have to lose some of the clients who are in your chair right now? Totally. But it would be worth it to gain a high value clientele who was willing to pay your worth. You have to remember we are business owners first and that has to come first. So, I want you to start working on that target market and branding so you can attract that clientele who is down to pay full price.

Number Three: I want you to educate yourself to the point where you’re beyond confident in your skill set.

I want you to take a moment right now and think to yourself when are the situations where I don’t feel confident, that I start to undervalue myself and I stopped charging my worth.  I want you to think about is it color corrections, is it when you do colors, is it when you do haircuts. What are the situations where you start to question yourself and if you had more education you would stop doing that? Would you be more confident and be like, no I offer the best haircuts around you you’re going to pay top dollar for it. What would need to happen to get you to a place of confidence where you know everyone is going to pay you full price because I know what I’m doing and I’m doing it better than anyone else around here. We need to get you to that place because when that’s the mental game you are playing you will not be discounting.

Number Four: I want you to fully understand and truly believe in your personal value.

I know for a lot of you you’re like no that’s the missing piece, is that I just don’t value myself enough, I don’t value my skill set. I’m going to ask you some questions that I want you to answer very honestly and I think that’s going to help.

Question Number 1: How long did it take you to become proficient at what you do? Now even if you are the newest stylist on the block, you went through months of schooling just to get to where you are today. Months and months of practice. How many times have you opened and closed those shears, how many times have you practiced formulation? I want you think about how much time, energy and effort you’ve invested to get up to this point. For some of you it’s 20 years you’ve invested to get up to this point, why are you going to undercharge yourself now. Now this was a lifetime commitment for you, you have to start charging your worth for that.

Question Number 2: What did it cost you to get here? This is going to be a big one for a lot of you, because I don’t want you to think of it just monetarily, but what did you sacrifice? I know when I was building my clientele, I missed one of my own daughter’s birthday parties. That was a huge sacrifice for me, but I did it because I knew in the long run it would allow me to throw her the best birthday parties on the planet, but it was a sacrifice. I want you to think about all the Saturdays you worked when you would rather have been watching the soccer games with your family or going to the backyard BBQ. Think about all the nights you worked, the money you had to pay to go to school. Think about all the sacrifices you’ve made, what has that cost you.

Question Number 3: I want you to rate yourself in terms of how good you were when you first started in the beauty industry. I mean day one cosmetology school, when you didn’t know about anything. When hair color seemed crazy and like you’d never understand it, when you held your first pair of sheers in your hand and thought it was amazing. When you were having that geek out moment, I want you to rate your skill in that moment as stylist on a scale of 1-10 and then rate yourself now. Now some of you are going to rate you then as 1 or 3 and will rate yourself now maybe a 7. If you’re really confident you rated yourself maybe a solid 3 then and a 10 now. Isn’t a 7 still better than a 3? Of course, it is. You’ve come a long way and you need to charge for that. You need to be confident in the fact that you’re growing and you’re improving and your clients are paying for where you are now, they’re not paying for the stylist who was at her first day of beauty school. They’re paying for the stylists that you are now the accomplished person who has worked to build a clientele and you have got to charge your value for that.

Question Number 4: What new information have you learned and applied to your business within the last 12 months? What classes have you taken? What education have you learned, what new techniques are you applying? Are you formulating better? What education have you applied to your business that you can put a value on now? If you haven’t taken a single class in a year, you have to. You have to keep your skills sharp in this industry.  I don’t care how experienced you are, even if you have been behind the chair 20 or 30 years. The techniques that were hot 30 years ago aren’t what’s happening now. You have to take education annually, if you’re going to keep up with it. Now if you take an education annually you should feel pretty confident in your skill set and you should be charging your worth based on that. You really need to think about what classes you’ve taken and the value of that knowledge.

Question Number 5: Think about the experience you provide your guests. My guess is that most of you reading this would say you put most of your heart and soul into the experience when you have a client sitting in your chair. If you don’t, you have you have to troubleshoot why that isn’t happening. For most of you, you put a lot of emotional energy into that visit, along with a lot of physical energy. There is a price to pay for that, and don’t undercut or undercharge yourself for everything you are investing into this career. That’s your life on line, your body on the line, your mental well-being on the line, and there is a value to pay for that, quit under charging for that.

Number Five: Stop telling yourself your clients will leave if you charge them full price.

I want you to stop telling yourself that your clients will leave you if you started charging them full price. No, they will not. Your good clients, will happily pay you full price and then some. They will buy the retail and do all things, you have to start charging your worth. But until you believe in yourself enough, to not stutter when you are going to say your price at the end of the visit, to not look down at your feet and whisper under your breath and say hey you know what well just do 20 off that, not to sit and at the computer and manipulate the final bill so what you spit out feels smoother rolling off your tongue, until you can stop doing all those goofy things we do, you will always be undercutting yourself. You will always leave the salon at the end of the day feeling exhausted, feeling overworked, feeling overwhelmed, and wishing life was different. I promise you that. I want you to get over all of these hurdles that we have in our life that make us want to undercharge ourselves, that make us undervalue ourselves. Today is the day I want you to start charging your worth.


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